Subservience is a No-No!!

Why did I become irritated, mad even? Why can’t people understand that I will speak up?  I will not allow a man to think its OK for him to force his way to the top, simply because it’s become customary in this country.  I'm certainly not going to roll out the red carpet to avoid a scene, because I not only have to educate my daughter verbally, but through example that subservience is not acceptable on any level.

Sure. Everyone thinks I’m tough on people, and I should let things just ‘go’, that I should also take things a little lighter.  And that may be so. But taking things a little light has become a cancerous host behind the pandemic of a certain male mentality, which has become a contagious addiction in these festival-filled streets, crowded with religious establishments on every corner.  And I truly believe silence is the same as letting (certain) men escape any penalization, leading with the smallest gestures, ending with mayhem that has inundated this country like a Tsunami.  It’s the reason why today women are in the fight of their life, literally.

My friend and I had been waiting for nearly 25 minutes for our “juice guy”— and yes, I consider him ‘our’ juice guy—to serve us.  I’ve been getting my freshly squeezed juice for over a year now at the same stand, and it has become a regular fixture in my routine, after my morning workout.  I needed to be home in 30 minutes to relieve my part time maid/nanny (and the by the way, having a maid in India is not luxurious, is a very common addition to any household, and is quite inexpensive—about $20 a month. And in my case is a necessity when raising a child on my own). The juice guy was having trouble with the flow of current that’s needed to squeeze our juice, so we were being patient—I was being patient.  I was running late, and I checked my cell phone time a dozen times, as if that would magically help solve the electricity problem. 

Two men, who were dressed decently, probably around the age of 50 or so, waved their hands at the juice guy as the sun reflected against their gold bracelet and rings.  They spoke in Hindi, the native language, but I understood every third word.  While having conversations on two cell phones simultaneously, they demanded the juice guy to serve them first and pointed out that I could wait, because they were in a rush and had more important work to attend to.  The juice guy did rebut on my behalf, explaining that I’d been waiting for a long time, and that I was first in line, but that didn’t sit well with either of the men.  Apparently, the men didn’t think I’d make their gesture a bigger deal, and assumed thanking me to be served first before I even accepted or could oppose would somehow compensate. 

Of course I was peeved. I mean, how dare he think that I would be okay with his excuse— that he was a very busy man, a lawyer, had to attend a previous engagement, was running late, and that my time was less valuable.  He mentioned that it wasn't a big deal for me to wait the extra 5-10 minutes  for another batch. 

I don’t care if he was the Dali Lama, or the Pope! People are people, and they all deserve respect, regardless of their status in society, race, creed, or gender.  And he definitely didn’t ask or even pleasantly request, nor did he wait for a reply.  When he saw me, a woman, he knew he was going to   get his way, one way or another, and there was going to be no ifs ands or buts about it.  He forced the juice guy to serve him first by yelling at him. He got his way, and before he stepped into his car, he turned to me, and thanked me.  Why thank me? I didn’t give him my approval to go ahead and cut in line; he simply took what he wanted, got his way, and no one stopped him. And he knew no one would.  Because that is the custom here.  This would never fly in the states.

Most people, women included, would have no problem allowing anyone who pleads their case and kindly requests a favor from a stranger to cut in line.  But it’s so off putting and totally unacceptable for anyone, especially a male to bulldoze their way in front of a women, overpowering them, because they know they can, simply because they’re male.  What I understand about men like this is that they truly believe that being male means respect is automatically given, not earned.

I’m not really angry about being a half hour late to relieve my nanny/maid from her duties, so she can go and pick up her daughter from school, but I’m completely irritated with this mentality, that being a women, a girl, female, is somehow equivalent to being subservient.

This mindset, which is inbred from birth, demonstrated and learned as acceptable culture, has spread like a plague and is truly wiping out every chance for women to live their life, and is unfairly categorizing all men, even those who are broadminded.  This is what is exactly wrong with this country.  It’s the reason why some men think they can steal whatever they aim from women, including their innocence.  Every rule, procedure, conduct is taken lightly here in India, and thus far has been altered to suit up a man perfectly.  Men like this know they can get away with anything, great or trivial. Today it was the need to be served a glass of juice first, even though by right, someone else was waiting in line—a woman.  Tomorrow, with his mindset, and others who permit him, he will get away with something far more appalling.  

How am I supposed to educate my daughter to be resilient, vociferous and confident to march forward and take her place in society as a leader, not a follower, or at least an equal?  At this point in time, I recognize India is not a promising environment for my daughter to feel safe or equal.  Yes, academic standards are a plus here in this country, but living here could actually impose great threats on her social behavior and development.  Think about it.  If I’m living in an environment where it’s not safe for a female to walk the streets alone past 6 pm, or needs to be accompanied by a male in largely crowded areas or late at night to get my necessities, or have to be supervised for safety reasons at the park during the day, then how can she learn to be independent and self-sufficient when I can’t be?